Post your best joke!

Posts : 7 Join date : 2008-11-17

1st prize = 10B gold, 150 lux, 200fburr and +9 (REAL)weapon from market of your choice!

2nd prize = 5B gold, 100 lux (or 100 fburr) and +7 (REAL) weapon from market of your choice!

3rd prize = 2.5B gold, 50 lux (or 50 fburr) and +7 (REAL) weapon from market of your choice!

December 21, 2012 deadline

Posts : 2 Join date : 2008-11-22

ERAP:INDAY MAG DILIG KA NGA NG HALAMAN

INDAY:UMUULAN PO SIR

ERAP:MAGKAPOTE KA ANG TAMAD MO TALGA INDAY

lol!

Super Moderator Posts : 34 Join date : 2008-11-21 Age : 44

Chuk Chak Chenes keo,Bilisan nyo na At Bka machurva pa...

A 90 yrs old man starts making love to his 85yrs old wife. He started sucking her breast, after 10 seconds, he died...

Autopsy report:

Cause of death,

EXPIRED MILK WITH MELAMINE SUBSTANCE...

-------

BATA: Pangit! (5x)
LALAKE: Sabihan mo pa ko ulit na pangit, papatayin kta!

...Next day...

BATA: psst!

LALAKE: ano?

BATA: alam na!

---------

My happyness is...

wr0ng spellinG..
Wahaha!
Ooops, ba2likan nya yan!
HaHaha
---------

BOY: may aaminin aq sau

GIRL: Ano?

B: mhal kta!

B: y d kna rply?

B: pa2kamatAy aq!

B: hwak q n kutslyo!

..isa2ksak q na! (patay n c BOY)

GIRL: nakatulog aq, sori po. Mhal din kta!

GIRL: ui, ui! Stil der?

---------

COMMON FILIPINO MISTAKES:

1."ale, pbling colgate, ung closeup."
-adik k s 2tpaste?

2."srado m pinto! La2bas ang aircon."
-sosyal, may paa?

3."yaya,salubungn mo ung skulbus ni junior."- tama yan psagasa mo!

4."anak, 2mbi ka s ssakyan ha"
-patayn dn c junior?

5."tnuka ako ng ahas"- man0k b ito? May tuka?

6."my tonsil aq"
-kmi rn.c=

7."my candy aq, yw m?"
-ofer b yn?

8."2log kn?"
-mlman m p kya kng oo?

9."lowbat aq e"
-d bterya krn?

--------

I
met
a
craZy man,
&
i
askd
hIM,
wt
s
gr8r?

Hart
or
braiN?

He
answrd
me
lafFing
"i
l0st
my
brain
c0z
of
l0ve,

bt

i
l0st
my
l0ve
bc0z
i
f0l0wd
my brain.

------

things ù dont need 2 know but i'm sharin':

-aLL shrimps are born femaLe, but turns 2 maLe as time goes.. so r dey Like Lesbians?

-starfishes are pretty but dey dont have brains.. so be offended if sum1 caLLs ù 1..

-penguins can onLy have 1 mate, dey spend aLmost haLf of deyr Lyf Lookin' 4 deyr destined partner, den spend d rest of it wid him/her.. how sweet is dat?

i dont know if ù find those amusin'?
but i do,

& i hope u'l find ùr penguin..ü

------

Tatay: anak bakla ka ba?
Anak:opo..
sabay lubog ng mukha ng anak s harina.

Tatay:ANO? ngay0n la2ki ka na ba?
anak:geisha n po..

nagalit ang tatay sabay nilubogmukha ng anak s baldeng puno ng tubig..

Tatay:ngaun anu ka na?! SAGOT!
anak:dyesebel n po..

nagalit lalo ang tatay..kya pinaso nya ito ng plantsa hnggang ito'y mangitim..

Tatay:PUNYETA ka! ano k n ngayon!!
anak:aq n po c beyonce!!:-D,.
..ayou..haha..ü

------

WHAT EVERY KISS MEANS:
smack: "im reAdy"
4head: "h0pe we're 2geder 4ever"
hand: "i ad0re u"
lips: "i L0ve u"

WHAT GESTURES MEANS:
sLap on d butt: "dat's mine"
pLaying w/ hair: "teLL me u L0ve me"
h0Lding hands: "we definitELy L0ve each ader"
arms ar0und d waist: "i L0ve u 2much 2Let g0"
laughing whiLe kissing: "im c0mpLeteLy c0m4tabLe w/ u"

-if ur thinking ab0ut sum1 wyL reading dis, UR DEFINITELY IN L0VE.. ^^,

--------
Kinuha ng isang Kanong Pari si Pacquiao as interpreter..

Pari: The Lord was crucified between 2 robbers.

Pac: Si Hesus ay ipinako s gitna ng 2 goma.Pari: We need to sacrifice.

Pac: Kailangan natin ng 2 sakong bigas.

Pari: If we do not repent,

Pac: Kapag hindi natin pininturahang muli,

Pari: Thewrath of God will come upon you.

Pac: Ang mga daga ng Diyos ay pupunta sayo.(nagtawanan)

Pari: Well.. Well..

Pac: Balon.. Balon..

;'p Haha!

------

PEDRO:
Miss,pabili nga ng bolpen.

MISS:
Sorry po sir, wala po kaming bolpen.

(Inis na lumabas si Pedro sa tindahan)

PEDRO:
My God! Penshoppe walang bolpen!

-------
a nUrse came 2 vsit hs 3 mental patients

P1:(ngbbsa ng encyclopedia)

N:wow! improvng ka! dts gud.

P2:(ngbbsa ng dictionry)

N:cool! ipgp2loy mo lng yn.

P3:(nktyo s mesa w/arms wide open) "aq ang ilaw!"

N:hoy! bumba k nga jn. bka mhulog k. wla k p dn pgbbgo.(naupo c P3 s upuan)

P1 & P2: ay, brownout?

------
1 day i read
smoking is bad
i stop smoking
1 day i read
drinking is bad
i stop drinking
1 day i read
sex is bad

ay naku!..

I stop reading..
Reading is bad!!

Super Moderator Posts : 34 Join date : 2008-11-21 Age : 44

don't make the same mistake twice..

madami pang kasalanan jan, try mo ung iba.

---------

Ur temporary absence frm my immdiate vicnity seems 2 affct a slght dpression of sorts w/in this realms day 2 day existence..

in short...

'i mis u': the nsebleed edtion..

-------------------

B1:pre,nhoLdp aq muntk p q mmtay!
B2:bkt,d kb humngi ng 2Long?
B1:ngtxt aq s puLis stati0n!
B2:bkt,anng rpLy? B1:haynku, e2 rpLy! "hu u?"Wr did u get my no.?!

-------------------

After inspection:

"miss,wg k munang umalis..

check q ulit gmit m..

nsma ata ang puso q e.."

-WHATEVER, manong guard.

--------------------

Scenes kpag mgkaaway ang isang couple:

-mgttxt ng kunwre wrng snd
(pra icheck kng mgrrply c bf/gf)

-mgttxt ng kunware gm
(ppancn?)

-mgssend ng sandamakmak na swit/sad quotes
(pnadma daw)

-ssbhn sa tropa, "bhala sya, mgtxt sya kng gus2 nya, d ko ppancnin"
(pro panay ang abang sa cp kng my txt)

-bukang bbig nya, "di wag sya mgtxt! So?"
(pro ittxt c bf/gf ng, "ano, wla ka ng pakealam?)

-bu2rahin ang # ni bf/gf
(pro saulo nman ang #)

^^ARAY!XD

---------------------

D truth bhnd d
s0ng ETERNAL
FLAME & hu rily
sang it..

BULAG:cl0se ur
eyes,
PILAY:gve me ur
hand drlng,
BINGI:do u hir my
heart beating?
BOBO: d0 u
undErStnd?
MANHID: d0 u fiL
d same?
DUKHA: am i only
dreaming?
BUMBERO: is dis
burning? an
eternal flame!
PIPI: say my
name,
BALIW: sunshine
through the rain,
KAWAWA: my
whole life, so
lonely..
DOKTOR:dey'L
cum nd ease d
pain.
MADAMOT:i dnt
wna lose ds
feelng..
WOLF:Oooohh(^^.')

-----------------

1 pr0bnxn0 ngrent
ng rum s htel:

pr0b:Lm q pr0bnxn0 Lng aq kya wg mu q Loqhin!bt gn2 rum q?maliit wLng kma
at bntna!mhL mhL ng bnayad q,tpos gn2 lng?

roomboy:sir nsa elvtor plng tau,wg k xcited.

------------------

1 cigAret
rEdUcEs Lyf
by 5 mins.

bt SEX
incrEasEs Lyf
by 10 mins.

So d bAsic sEnsE
Of dz st8mnt is,

Kht mLkas mnigariLyo
bsta mLib0g
mtgL m2tAy!

-----------------

Can u pronounce
gud
englsh?
read
d
ff
aloud:

wolf
woof
warp

roof
ruff
raft

work
wart
worth
wharf

test result:

gud dog!

stop barking n!

---------------

evolution ng bagong mcdo comerciaL:
'miss ang sexy mo ah,

pa gerger ka naman..! gerger gerger gerger!
0_o
haha...

Super Moderator Posts : 34 Join date : 2008-11-21 Age : 44

[color=violet]Pedro: Niloko ko yung tindera kanina.. hahahaha
Juan: paano mo nmn niloko yung tindera??
Pedro: nagpaload ako eh wala naman akong cellphone!!!

------------

Teacher: Why are you late??
Jr: mam, ther was a man who lost his P500 bill
Teacher: good!!! you helped him look for it right??
Jr:No Mam!!! tinapakan ko po kasi hanggang sa umalis siya!!!

------------

Man told lady after he raped her...
'in nine months you will have a child, call him Hercules!!!'

The lady replied,
'in nine days youll have rashes on your penis, call it herpes!!!'

------------

Mga tanong na kailangan ng malalim na pag-iisip

1. Ang lamok ba pag natutulog nilalamok din??
2. Puwede bang uminum ng coke kapag coffee break???
3. ang uod ba pag namatay inuuod din???
4. bakit ang blackboard kulay green??
5. ang lason ba pag naexpired nakakalason pa din??
6. nanganganak ba ang mga bakla?? kung hindi.. bakit sila dumadami??
7. pwede bang magdinner ang may dalang lunchbox???
8. pag sinabi bang 6 feet anim ang paa mo??

------------

Kapag bored ka na at walang magawa
magbukas ka ng ziper
ilagay mo ang kamay sa loob at ilabas mo

ang libro galing sa bag mo at magbasa ka!!!

kala mo ha!!!

------------

Kapag nakita mo ako na marumi...
warat warat ang damit....
walang tsinelas at nasa gitna ng kalye...

please wag kang lalapit....

May shooting ako.. bawal ang fans!!!

------------

Wag kang mahihiya kung lumuluha ang mga mata mo!!!

at lalo namang wag mong pipigilan ang luha mo

dahil baka lumabas yan sa ilong!!!

Yucky yun di ba??

------------

Dad:(Holding 2 toys letting his son choose) si barbie or superman??
Son: superman dad!!!
Dad: good!!(he then left)
Son:Guwapo mo superman!!! nakaumbok pa!! uuuuhhhhmmm!!!

------------

a guy was setting up his new email account while his girlfriend sat beside him
feeling all macho, he put in "penis" as his password.
his girlfriend fell off her chair laughing when the error message registered as:
"Password not long enough"

------------

Makabagong kasabihan:

"aanhim mo ang taong maganda"

"kung siya'y pumapangit pag katabi ko na!!!"

------------

Bunso: Inay, tingnan nyo po drawing ko oh
Inay: wow!! ang galing namang magdrawing ng monkey ng bunso ko
Bunso: Inay, kayo po yan!!!

------------

ma, si ate niyakap ng nobyo niya!!!
ok lang naman yan!!

ki-niss ma!!!
ok lang naman yan!!

dinukot dede niya!!!
ok lang rin yan!!!

naku fininger!!!
punyeta!!! may titi ba't hindi gamitin!!![/color]

Super Moderator Posts : 34 Join date : 2008-11-21 Age : 44

GUSTO NYO P BA NG JOKE??

WAG NA BAKA PAGTAWAN NYO PA>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

JUST GM,

~~[GM]-DEATHGOD-~~

Posts : 2 Join date : 2008-12-06

sa labas ng simbahan my nmamalimos..

LOLA: plimos po khit konting barya lng.

BATA: eh lola bkt po dalawa ang baso nyo?

LOLA: Aba! umaasenso din naman tayo. awa ng diyos nkpgtayo ng bagong branch..

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Posts : 2 Join date : 2008-12-06

sarap tlaga mgpunta sa jollibbee. pag pasok mo plang bnabati kna agad. Goodmorning Sir Come In. Paglabas mo nmna Bye Sir Come again. hai. dun nga ulit ako TATAE... hahahhahha

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